don’t blink


So this happened
January 20, 2014, 4:07 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

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I have’t written about my running on the blog. Well, I haven’t really kept up with blogging…but when I have I haven’t mentioned the fact that I run or that I was training for the NYC marathon.

Part of the reasons I never mentioned it as I always wanted this to be a a blog mainly focused on our homeschool life. Another reason I never mentioned it was because I was afraid. Afraid that I wasn’t actually a real “runner” but some kind of poser runner. Afraid that people would ask about my splits  and I would be too embarrassed to talk about them. And really afraid  that I would say that I was training for the 2013 NYCM and it for some reason wouldn’t happen. Last year I trained and due to the horrific hurricane Sandy the marathon was cancelled as it should have been. But it took me a little bit to get over the fact that I had trained for months and I would have no marathon, add in the absolutely insane and angry reaction to runners by some of the public and it wasn’t something I felt like chatting about.  But this is 2013. There was a New York City Marathon and I ran it.

Almost two weeks later and it is kind of like it never happened. The city has already forgotten and moved on to bigger and better things. Our family life is slowly getting back to where it was before I decided to split myself between training,  family, part-time work, and homeschooling. I am thankful for finally sleeping in and not having to run for 3+ hours on the weekends. But every time I catch a glimpse of my medal or see photos posted online by friends I get a little buzz. I freaking ran the NYC Marathon. I ran it, every borough, every damn mile. That is me in those photos not a poser runner. That. is. me. It just doesn’t feel real.

The race had its challenges and I won’t go into a full recap but let it be known that it was without question the WORST race I have ever run. I cramped at mile 17 and had to stop and stretch about every half a mile, one of my friends who I was running with fell on the Queensborobridge and got banged up pretty badly. But we all stuck together until the park where we split. From there it wasn’t about pride being forever it was about it just having to be over. I just felt like it HAD to end. We had run a full hour longer than we expected. With the fall, my cramps and having to go to medical at mile 20, we were seriously off pace. Once we split I put my head down and just powered through until the end not because some no guts no glory BS but because I was done. Done. done and I wanted it to be over. Leading up to the race I was emotional. The city was an absolute buzz, I had poured all I had into my training and I expected to cross the finish line a mess of tears. But I didn’t in fact I just kind of finished. I was happy but mostly because it was over. Now looking back I get a little flutter. But not because of the race but because of the entire process that led up to the race. The twenty weeks of training. The ridiculous analysis of what I was eating, the going to bed early, the overwhelming commitment. I was so pissed the following day about the race I didn’t even want to look  at my medal. I was mad that my time wasn’t faster. I was mad about whatever choice I had made up to the race that caused me to cramp. I was mad that I couldn’t figure out what  caused of the cramping. And I was really mad that my time didn’t make the cut to get into the NY Times. As mad as I was I got over it pretty quickly when I thought about why I run. That medal isn’t for a race that happens on one day in November. That medal is for every race I ran up until then that got me to the start. What was I complaining about! I am 40 years old and I finished my first marathon. I ran with the most fantastic women. I smiled and high-five-d and hugged my way across an amazing city. I said I would do something and I did it and when the time is right  I cannot wait to do it again.

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